so.............

Hello! I have wondered whether I should blog what has happened to me over the last couple of days .............. I'm not going to go into too much detail cos after all this is a world wide web but *deep breath*

I went into hospital the other day for an operation. I was put on the waiting list 6 months ago, having received all the counselling. I also had my pre op assessment last week which confirmed I was ok to have the op. I had several panic attacks the night before the op, worst one came when Mel and Carol were nice to me on msn and I could not stop crying! I fasted from 9.00pm and had a terrible nights sleep (well lack of sleep!).

Then that morning I went to hospital, terrifyed. Bloods taken, many discussions with drs and consultants and got changed to go to theatre.

Then I was told I was too overweight to have the op and they had decided to cancel it.

So I had to get dressed and was asked to go home, lose weight and come back in 12 months time!

Yesterday I was upset and felt very humilitiated. My friends generally checked on me every hour on the hour! and they got me through the day. Dh was completley perfect and sister was fab too.

Today I have woken up angry. Very angry. Not that I wasn't allowed the op, not that I may not have the second thing I really want, but I was put through so much and they were the ones who said I should have this op in the first place!!!

So I hit my room and got creative, altered a clock for Sue's big challenge (can't show you!) and Steph's Buffy cj box (can't show you!) and Bex's cj (yeah you've guessed it!!).

But one other thing I did was to scan some old baby photos, which has really helped me today. This is why I am getting over it and moving on, and this is why I am one of the luckiest people I know.